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Dating after the death of your spouse

Then, as they go forward, they can openly and honestly discuss how things are progressing. Somewhat along that line, I had a friend whose mother saw a man she knew. My friend said, “Mom questioned me whether it was too soon after his wife had died for her to ask him out for coffee. Six months later, they were married.” A friend, Gale, told me years ago: “The man in my life had already done his grieving before his wife died, and no one has the right to dictate what that mourning period should be or for how long.

I told her you can’t control when opportunity knocks, and if you don’t answer the knock, it may not return. That’s a right reserved exclusively for the partner left behind after a spouse dies.” In other words, it’s no one’s business except the partner left behind on when they decide to date.

Only you will know that.” Another widow said: “After 21 years of marriage, it took me a good two years before I was emotionally ‘whole’ enough to consider another relationship.

Up to that point, my incessant talk about my late husband would have made any man run in the opposite direction.” What happens if someone is still grieving and he or she meets someone they think would be a great partner who becomes interested in them? Out of respect for the new person, he should tell her he’s still grieving but feels they could become a loving couple, and, if she would be patient with him, it could work out.

I have shown them that life is for living and we will continue to do just that.I went on two dates before I realized this was not the avenue for me to try and find a loving relationship.I decided I would just have fun with my girlfriends, children and enjoy my time to myself.There is no specific time period one should wait before dating again.The right amount of time to grieve is different for everyone, and at some point, a person just needs to be allowed to be happy again.One thing is certain: As we enter our 60s, 70s, 80s and 90s, we don’t have a lot of time to waste in deciding if we’re ready to date or not.So, perhaps Arlene will not judge too harshly the mid-60s widower who is dating six months after his wife passed away. Tom Blake is a Dana Point resident and a former Dana Point businessman who has authored several books on middle-aged dating. To receive Tom’s weekly online newsletter, sign up at Jessica Bemis is a full-time, working mom of two who lost her husband to testicular cancer in November 2011.Since then, Jessica has been sharing her story on her blog, Hope for Young Widows and working to bring awareness and hope to women and men who have lost their spouses to cancer.But out of respect for her and the institution of marriage, he hung in there. A more important question: has he properly grieved and healed? Men tend to date quicker than women after the death of a spouse.What often happens, particularly with new widowers, is that they are lonely; they start to date before they are ready.

75 comments

  1. The death of a spouse places the widow in a new situation, which has similarities to other. When C came along and we started dating, it was different. I knew.

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