I can't tell you how many times Ed has said, "I won't get married until I find a girl like you" and my husband has come back with, "You don't need a girl like her; just take her." A harmless routine, unless it goes sour. Her husband's best friend, Sean, used to make "You're the perfect woman -- leave him and marry me" jokes. After too many glasses of wine, Sean put his tongue in Wendy's mouth as they kissed good night.Freaked out, Wendy told her husband what had happened.The threat seems to be working.) But in all seriousness, you have to ask yourself how the relationship could possibly benefit from your true confessions, and I think you'll see the answer is not at all. In general, you must act as though infidelity is equal to murder.You know it exists, you've read about it in the papers, but you certainly don't know anyone who has actually committed it. Last year a friend of mine was having a full-blown affair with a guy whose kid went to our daughter's school.I defer to my fourth-grade teacher: "Children, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all!
I don't care if you were 20 and drunk at the time; never admit that you cheated while in a committed relationship.Needless to say, he and Sean had a big fight and never spoke again."An old friendship lost over nonsense," laments Wendy, who wishes she'd kept it to herself." The look on his face told me I'd hit way below the belt, and suddenly I could see the feeling of betrayal setting in. This morning on the phone, my sister made me feel even worse."I thought you believed in me," he said, looking so hurt I thought I might die. "Why are you being his career counselor when he needs you to be his wife? And when I repeated the exchange to my mother, who is long divorced from my father, she added, "That's a lesson I learned too late.So after years of watching my friends step right in a big pile of it, and though I'm practically blinded by this big-mouth hangover, I've made a list of things you should never, under any circumstance, tell your husband.1.Never admit that you hate his mother..if he bad-mouths her first (the Silence Is Golden rule) It can be tempting to add your two cents as your husband is telling you yet another story about his controlling, manipulative, buttinsky mother. The other day she told me all of our son's good qualities come from her!Don't make him feel impotent about work...(the I Believe in You No Matter What rule) This is the rule I broke last night.Usually when my husband comes home from work frustrated or angry about his day, I encourage him to tell me what's on his mind.On the subject of fidelity, you are above reproach.And not being a cheater yourself, you have zero tolerance for cheaters.